My focus is back to being sharp, my confidence in my creative ability and knowledge in school is back. Which is all great, but I keep dreaming of bigger things going for me. Like after graduating, having a family, being a real world adult.
Actually all that stuff still feels far off in the distance, but right now more than anything I want my environment to be nurturing to my creativity and tenacity. I want to decorate my house, decorate myself, and actually get a routine down as to how I want to take care of myself. And after many years of going it alone for the sake of just being alive, I want to live my life now. I want to enjoy each day, look in the mirror and think, yay! and not "ugh". I don't want to think of all the coulda shoulda woulda's and instead actually DO them. Do the damn thang! Or at least not bitch in the back of my head about how I didn't.
I realize that I need to be more open and uplifting around others because my negativity pushes them away. I can see it now and I never really realized I had that kind of control before. It's just another way I need to make changes within myself...well, more like a shift than a change.
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