All kinds of a mess

It seems that every aspect of my life is continuing to prove itself difficult, and this seems to be the year that I have to deal with it all and find a resolution to the mess that keeps piling up.  My health, both physical and mental are coming apart at the seams and for the first time I'm not becoming overwhelmed by it all; instead I'm looking at ways to battle it all and come to a solution.  I guess this is what growing up means.  I'm finally entering another stage of adulthood and looking at it with a different lens.  Instead of whining and complaining about things being difficult, I'm embracing things (little by little, mind you) as welcome challenges in order to improve myself.

I've noticed that I no longer make useless lists of what I need to accomplish, only to look at later on as a list of what I won't accomplish because I don't feel it's a priority.  I tend to no longer seek advice from friends and family as to how to progress with my life because I realize I'm in the driver's seat and I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences of my decisions.

I also realize that this kind of focus and mentality has really put a giant pause on my social life.  A lot of my friends have faded into the background or seemingly fallen off the face of the earth.  And although I wish that weren't so, I can't be the one to preserve the friendship when I have so much I need to work out in my own life.  My own life and happiness are what matter to me most right now, and anyone not willing to respect that nor work around that is a destructive distraction to me.  I don't expect the rest of my life to be like this, because I will overcome things that need to be addressed this year, but I like to think of my social life being on hiatus at this point, at least when it comes to my efforts in things.

I feel better knowing what is expected of myself when it comes to my life, and I'm extremely psyched to see where the next 7 years takes me, but at this point, right now, I can't just be carefree and not expect the consequences of my actions to bite me in the ass at some point in the (very) near future.

I think at some point in your life you realize that there's no longer an hourglass placed in front of you, which usually happens after you've reached 21.  Life isn't over, it's only begun, because now you're able to literally experience anything and everything the world has to offer, no restrictions.  It can only be understood once you've reached that point in your life, and I think I've hit it this year.  There will always be a next year, next month, next time, which means the possibilities are endless when it comes to living.  My relationship has shown me that more than anything else, I think.  I no longer fear deadlines, reaching certain ages, or not being in the same demographic as the rest of my generation.  I relish in being different, and these past few months have opened my eyes as to how wonderful being different is.  Many of my true friends are different in the sense that I am different, and they're happy.  They enjoy life, they are fulfilled, and it took me a bit to catch up and understand why that is.