I've finally hit that point in the semester where I no longer have time to laze around, slide by with introductory lectures and waste time sitting on my ass and not caring about class. Which actually is good. I'm happy with how this semester is playing out so far, and I'm satisfied knowing the work I'm doing will pay off.
I'm so focused on myself that I'm not depressed, emotionally unstable, or overwhelmed by life. Today has finally been a step in the right direction. But I also know that the seduction to make excuses is literally right on my neck, constantly hovering there like a whisper. My way of dealing with not screwing up is to completely ignore doing anything other than one thing: school and work. Having fun feels like some not-too-far-off place called summer. And summer is effing CLOSE in my head.
I see now that spring semester's have always been my strong point because 1) there's spring break 2) my birthday signifies the end and 3) it gets warm and sunny. I may hate the end of summer with a fire of a thousand suns, but damn I love the promise of it coming, because it creeps ever so sweetly into my life that I'm distracted and happy. Plus this year in particular gives me exceptional motivation to do well and finish strong.
Aside from that, I keep having dreams about friends I haven't seen nor talked to in years and months. It makes me want to reconnect with them, but I know at this point, I don't have the time to try and salvage something only I seem to want to try and salvage. It makes me terribly sad to know that I'm losing so much, but I also know that I'm only 23, which means there are plenty of other people to meet and make friends with. I still have plenty of time till this girl wants to settle down and be a real-life adult, which means more adventures and friends to make. And if it's one thing I'm good at, it's being social.
No comments:
Post a Comment