Overwhelmed...All Around

I tend to go in over my head a lot.  And the consequences tend to be kind of devastating.  I'm really easily persuaded into social situations, like going out with friends, spending money I shouldn't, skipping classes, avoiding homework or other responsibilities until the last minute.  This doesn't happen as much as it used to when I was younger.  But I'm not perfect.

With my sleep schedule being completely out of whack (seriously, I sleep too much and I can't figure out how to not be tired), my priorities tend to get messed up sometimes.  Lately it's feeling like a lot.  But I'm not a total failure, things have been on the upswing if you don't include school.  Since it's still early in the semester, not much has been really going on, but I'm worried that as it goes on it's going to feel more and more obsolete to me.  I just don't feel like there's really a connection to school and the real world anymore, but I don't want to stop going.  Mostly because that's a hell of a lot of debt I'll have to pay off and I'm in no position to pay that off yet.  Or never.  I feel like college loans are something that will never go away in anyone's life.

I guess at this point I'm just trying to figure out what the next step is for me in my life and whether or not I really want this.  I'm always attracted to art and fashion, but I feel like I have to go through all these unappealing steps to get there.  Kind of sucks.  But I figure if I work hard it will pay off.  I just feel overstimulated and overwhelmed by the meaning of it all.