Most Days are Good

I hate to think I'm a disappointment because I'm seriously considering just sticking to the two careers I've created for myself in the past 6 months, because that means this bachelor's degree is not going anywhere anytime soon...but it's not really all that necessary with what I've got going on now.

Not gonna put all my eggs in one basket though.  I like to keep my bases covered.

Lately I've had so much shit I've got to accomplish before I can put all my focus on what I'd really like to do right now.  Which is draw my own types of drawings (i.e. stuff I can legit just sell on etsy or some shit, or just put up in art fairs, whatever), and going back to making clothes.  Why?  Because I hate shopping, and I hate not having what I want available to me at something other than insanely ridiculously expensive.  Plus I miss that part of designing.  I like to think I have what it takes to be successful in the fashion business, but then again, I'm always second guessing myself.  I just want people to wear my stuff and for others to recognize it.

But none of that can really happen till I get my home life straightened out.  Like selling this damn futon.  And getting a kitchen table and chairs that doesn't look like crap.  And having a clean house with everything one really needs (i.e. toilet paper).  Not that I can't afford it, that's not the issue.  Finding a place that's convenient that's open when I'm available to get this crap is.

Also why am I always at work during dinner?  Last semester I was home every night cooking and now I'm never home and all I've been eating is fast food.  I can't afford this, but taking 30 minutes to make dinner usually exhausts me just thinking about it.  Grocery shopping feels like a pain because of all the shit I gotta pick out.  I feel like I have more important things to do, like work or taking my dog to the dog park, or cleaning my room, or going to the bank.

Also, I hate fucking banks.  Charging me money to carry a debit card?  What the fuck kind of shit is this?  The only way to make sure shit goes smoothly is to go in personally and have an hour and a half conversation with a personal banker because otherwise they screw up your whole account(s) with them.  I hate money, I've never been happy with it or without it because something always goes awry and I end up having to pay out the nose for it.

I will say this though.  The days I have the energy to just do things I need and/or want and I get them accomplished, I feel fucking fabulous.  Although I didn't do anything one would normally think I should do, I got a lot of stuff accomplished, and I still have time to make a super long blog.  I have a clean car, a dirty and super tired dog (obviously he'll be getting a bath later), and more checked off stuff from my to-do list for my job.

I guess success depends on what you measure.