When One Door Closes, Another Opens

Man, six months ago when all my doors were getting slammed shut in my face, I felt completely screwed and stupid.  I mean, what's a girl to do with no car, no job, a horrible GPA, too much school loan debt, and a crappy apartment?

Move, buy a new car, get promoted, and ebb away from the college lifestyle.

Seriously, sometimes I look at my life and think I'm in a movie.  This can't be real.  I mean, what person my age with no college degree is basically running a boutique entirely by themselves and making it work?  What other person is sponsoring local fashion scenes, a band signed to a major label, and on the brink of major success?  I can't really take it that way though.  I'm just doing what I do and trying to make it work in real life.  On paper I feel like it's wonderful and that this is how people get into the big league with making lots of money, but this surely can't be me, can it?

I still long for the opportunity to become an art director for a photographer or design company.  To me, that would be just the best thing in the world.  Going to work and having creative genius spew everywhere, seeing my completed work in society whether in magazines or billboards or whatever, and then going home and living my personal life the way I want.  Having that separation between work and play is huge for me.  And that's probably why I hate school so much.  Homework goes with you, classes are always relying on you to do work on your own time.  Well that's not really for me.  I'd rather do the work when it's work time, and do whatever the hell I want on my own time.  Like going to dinner, partying, running errands, cooking, seeing movies, putting my house together, etc.

I'm not a 1 dimensional person.  I'm very much multidimensional and have a striking duality.  The boyfriend sees this all the time.  He tells me that I'm very very hard and rough, but that I have a pure and good heart.  I like to think that's the best combination, because if you reversed it you'd have a very powerful and horrible person among you.

I'm so grateful for the people in my life who surround with me encouragement and love.  It's weird to see those who stick by you and those who magically disappear.  I feel like all of a sudden I have a base of people I can be around and talk about what matters when months ago I felt totally alone.  But I make the best of it and I focus on what I need done for me.  The rest just follows.