Life is like a Game of Dodgeball

And you have none of the balls.  Also you have glasses.

Ah, but I digress.  This past month seems to have hit me upside down with new things, twists, and changes.  But they all seem to be for the better.  Still doing the school thing and still chuggin along with that.  Pretty soon summer will be here, but school has no rest.  Just gonna keep truckin till this year is over and I have that degree in my hands.

It's a good thing I'm enjoying all this, at least bits and pieces.  The transition of school full time and the boy working full time has been nothing short of chaotic, but we're learning.  I've become much more of a homebody with school and going out feels like a long distant memory.  However, with these changes has come many shortcomings financially.  And it seems to me that everyone is suffering.  But I know that this too shall pass because of the choices I've made and the choices the boy has made with me.  It's just going to be a really rough and grueling 3 weeks until things are in the clear.

Things are clearing up.  The weather here has been unbelievable.  I feel like I live in California or something.  There has been warmth and April/May type weather for the past 2 weeks now.  I'm waiting for it to go back to being cold though.

This new weather also has me doing some major spring cleaning, as well as planning for some well deserved upgrades.  Hopefully once the year is out I'll be on track with where I want to be financially and with my living situation, as well as my path in life.  I'm still young, but I'm at a pivotal point to where I won't be a student, I'll be a real world adult with nothing holding me back.  Maybe I'll even have a job lined up.  But I doubt that.

I still feel like this year has just started for me, and it's true to some extent since we're barely on our 4th month into the year.  Spring is making me feel like I have time to really reprioritize, reorganize, and really start fresh with things.  I like that feeling.  It's empowering, which I've needed for quite some time.  Having support and security really does make a difference when you're going through so much.

One Step Closer

Having graduation in the back of my mind has been a wonderful source of inspiration and determination to finish out 2012 with a bang.  It also has me really thinking about life after college.  And that's pretty soon.  I'm about 10 1/2 months away from holding a degree and billions of dollars of debt (not literally, but I'm sure it'll feel that way soon enough!).

It makes me wonder what I'm going to do with myself (non-careerwise) when I no longer have  to sign up for classes or have anything to do with school.  Am I gonna be living here still?  I hope not, but I also hope so.  I have no idea where I'll be ending up, but I know that I'll want to be around my friends, possibly family, but around people who really care about me and vice versa.  I definitely would like to get out of the college scene since most of my friends are graduated/graduating as well and have started their own lives and families.  I always thought that lifestyle was for older people in their 30s, but it can start whenever you want it to.  It feels like once I've settled into one way of doing things, I want to switch it up again.  And I guess that's just part of growing up.

I've been looking at a lot of lifestyle choices when it comes to costs, and I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to have a wedding.  Honestly, in this economy, I don't have 20 grand to throw up for some big show for 200+ people.  Yes, I believe that marriage is a celebration, but I'm not going to kill myself trying to make it happen.  I'm better off getting an elopement.  $50 to get married?  Yes please.

On top of all that, I've been reflecting a lot on myself and just where I am versus where I want to be.  There's quite a lot I'd like to do, however, there is a time and place for everything.  I need to start doing some spring cleaning with my life and lifestyle choices in order to be in the mental and spiritual place I want to be.  I've done it before when I was alone, but the real challenge is doing it with someone else in tow.  I honestly think I can do it, but it's going to take hard work and dedication, and the optimism for when I make mistakes or fall through.  I'm happy with my life, but I'm always happy for change as well.

After a GIANT Break from Nothing....

So much is going on in my life right now.  I don't even know where to begin.  One of my friends got married, and it was an absolute blast to see that happen and celebrate.  After the holiday ended, I was pushed to the brink with work, and with the events that unfolded in the past two weeks, I've come to a decision with that.  The boyfriend was offered 2 jobs during that, and today he started with one of them.  With hearing the good news about his offers, I scheduled an appointment at school to sort out my actual graduation date, and what would happen if I was full time till the end.

I am a full time student again.  I graduate in December 2012.  Holy buckets, I'm going to be an adult with a degree.

As I came to that realization, I did one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I walked away from working.  I put my trust and finances in the hands of someone else willingly.  Let's see if this bites me in the ass in the next couple of months....

But seriously, with the way things have been at my job, I cut that tie cleanly and am not looking back.  After the amounts of verbal abuse, neglect, and lack of respect from the owner, I did what any normal human being would do, and that would be "F***k it all."  Maybe if whipping boy was listed under the responsibilities of this job and it came with twice the salary and full benefits, I'd stick it out; but as Gwen Stefani put it: "this sh*t is bananas."  Sometimes you gotta let it all go and walk away, no matter how much you fear being fucked over by doing that.

I think everyone can relate to that situation, and it's hard.  Especially now since jobs are scarce and job security is basically nonexistent.  But I always have said "If there's a will, there's a way" and there has always been a way.  If you want it, you gotta work for it, and that's what I'm doing now.  I want to graduate, and I'm doing the only thing I can to make that happen-go to school.

I can't let outside opinions and events affect me like they have before.  Reality is always going to be gloomy and pessimistic, but it's working through it and achieving what you want despite the odds against you that really define success.  Anyway, I'm back to being full time and it feels good to be back in the classroom and not feeling like a zombie because I have a job to go to immediately afterward.

I Couldn't Make this Up if I Tried

Greetings and Happy New Year everyone.  Unless you celebrate the Chinese New Year, of which I say, "Well aren't we pretentious?" (Kidding)

I had all intentions on going out and ringing in the new year at the bar behind my house and getting all fancy-but when I got home it was pitch black, wet and cold and I just couldn't get into the going out mood.  Besides, when I got home the boyfriend and I decided to swing by Target to look at TVs.  And guess what?  We got a new one for super cheap.  And then mounted that bitch on our wall.  Shitting of the pants ensued.

I don't even know where that picture is from, but it's both ridiculous and funny, so it works for me.

Even after setting up our new monstrosity, I just decided to be a pants-less fat ass and said "fuck yo couch!" for the remainder of 2011.  I enjoyed this, because I broke open my expensive wine and ate Wendy's.  Things were looking up.

And now that 2012 has finally entered my life, I figured this is a year to actually have resolutions.  They are as follows (in no particular order because I'm too lazy for that):

1. Put my health first
2. Actually care about my state of being
3. React less (violently)
4. Gain 10 pounds (and not 10lbs of pure whatever that I can burn off)
5. Walk the dog more
6. Walk the lakes as much as physically possible considering the weather.
7. Excel in school (either grade wise, getting closer to graduation, or having a greater sense of self accomplishment)

I gave up after 7.  I figured a top 10 would be nice, but I've got enough down already.  Plus gaining 10 lbs is going to be really freakin difficult since my body slips into a food coma if I consume more than 2000 calories a day.

Weak sauce.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to doing real work instead of being all retarded on the internets.  I'll post more later.

Lost in a Whirlwind of choices

Caffeine does horrible things to me.  Like making me feel like I should do every job in the world plus invent new ones.  Things I've legit considered as possible careers simultaneously:

1. Create courier service for fast food places (i.e. chipotle, wendy's, taco bell, etc.) AND liquor stores
2. Create a local fashion/music magazine for the Minneapolis area (somewhat similar to Nylon if anyone knows of that one)
3. Clothing designer
4. Boutique owner selling above creations
5. Personal stylist
6. Installation artist for retail storefronts
7. School counselor

Something is wrong.  Why do I want to do ALL these things?!  Do I not have enough fulfillment in my life?  I once considered doing stand up comedy, but I don't think I'm that funny.  I can't be "on" for more than a split second anyway.  I feel like I don't apply myself to seriously finish anything I start when it comes to a career.  Even my major is making me feel boxed in, and it's for freaking ART.  I think I'm terrified of getting stuck so I keep eluding myself from actually getting branded with something.  I don't really understand why that is, or where this comes from.

I have a strong thirst for knowledge, so I think the whole "graduating" has me thinking I stop receiving education when I'm not in school.  But that's not entirely true.  I'm just scared of losing touch with progressing my education.

I think I'm just terrified of getting stuck career-wise regardless.  Many of the artists I admire never stuck to one type of art.  They continually evolved and did other things.  It's almost like exploring an area and once you know it like the back of your hand it gets boring, so you stretch into the unknown and conquer it all.  That's how I feel about most areas of my life.  Did this, check that, been there, experienced this, etc.  I think that's why I get bored with things so easily.  Once I figure it out or experience it enough, I'm bored or disgusted.  Then I move onto the next thing.

I wonder if most people are this way.  Or maybe I'm just a freak of nature.  Or maybe I'm terrified of applying myself.  Or a combination of all three.  I just get so ambitious that I don't know how to go about finishing something because my mind is then bombarded with other things that pop up.  I'm too scatterbrained.

Ants in my Pants

In preparation for my Christmas time break from school, I've been looking forward to wrapping up the last of my gifts, packing them up along with the rest of my stuff for my 3 day excursion to my parents', and shopping for a dress for a friend's wedding.  And I've also discovered my new obsession: polyvore.com.  In case you haven't checked out my personal little bit on that site, it's basically paper dolls and barbie dress up for the internet.  Minus people.  This has given me a chance to express my personal style without so much as spending a penny.  And getting ideas on what to outfit the boyfriend in.  Turns out I've got amazingly great taste in men's fashion.  So does he, but he's kind of clueless about putting it together.

I feel good about myself because I know I'm doing the right thing in my life and continuing to go down the path before me.  I just wish I had a job that paid me for my worth that isn't in danger of becoming obliterated because of the economy.  I'm starting to understand that I have a lot of talents and that they are worth getting paid to use them.  This is frustrating and I'm sure at some point I'm going to breakdown if I don't find something better.

I'm seriously having dreams about having a different career or being paid $5/hr because my boss can't afford to pay my salary.  Something tells me that's not right.

Any who, I'm pretty excited to be done with my semester.  I get to see lots of my favorite people despite a few I'd rather just wipe out, dress up and do couple things for once, and focus on being happy with what I've got.  Plus I got people some pretty sweet gifts this year, and I don't see crying like this:

I will get even.  I want tears like they just received a swift kick to the nuts on repeat.  You will receive your gift, and you will freaking LOVE ME.

Aside from my psychopathic tendencies with generosity, I'm just happy to return to some kind of normalcy with my daily routine, which includes actually being at home for part of the day and having a day of the weekend off sometimes.  Who would've thunk???

Getting into the Spirit

I saw this house last night on my way to Target.  It reminded me of National Lampoon's Christmas.  I wish I had this kind of dedication for the holidays, but that probably won't happen till I'm retired.  Oh well :)

Some things I'm looking forward to in the next three weeks:

• Christmas vacation (all of 3 days...whoopee!!!)

• My friend's wedding

• New Year's Eve with no limitations like last year

• Going back to 40+ hour work weeks

• Getting more settled into my home (i.e. new bed, new kitchen table, bigger tv, selling my futon, having decorations and things finally all set up)

• Paying off all my bills!!!

• Resolutions

Kind of long, but oh so exciting in a way.  As far as resolutions go though, I'm not waiting till the clock strikes to implement them into my life, I'm doing it now and making sure once the clock strikes that I have a strong determination to keep going strong.  There's still so much I want out of this life and it's tiring to really think about each and every bit of it.  But I'm hanging in there and not letting things get me down.

I don't have new stylish clothes, I don't have a recent or stylish haircut, I don't have a complete home just yet, and I have more needs than wants when it comes to material things, but all that really just speaks opportunity and potential to me, so I think that's all fair.  I'm not in a race to live my life.

I am pretty excited about being on task with things right now though.  All my Christmas shopping is done, and I finally got to use a groupon for something really fun!  I feel like I've been let out of a cage for an hour of free time whenever I actually do go shopping.  It's kind of sad, but it keeps me from going under with my funds.  I wish I could have fun more often, but living within my means signifies limiting my fun to when I can fully afford it and my bills have been paid for the month.  Ugh.  Being an adult sucks sometimes.