Sometimes I feel like I'm just along for the ride with a lot of things. When it's going good, I enjoy it, other times I want it all to stop because I'm not enjoying myself whatsoever and I need a break. Most of the time, I'm just sitting there spacing out looking at the scenery. So much has happened this summer, and yet nothing has happened. I totaled my car and am reduced to bus rides till I get money to put a down payment on a car. The boy and I are finally able to quite literally do whatever the hell we want, but we're broke and can't afford any of the things we want to do.
And lo and behold, I found the apartment of my dreams. In the heart of Uptown, brownstone building, cheaper, bigger, better amenities, a much nicer and understanding landlord, and pet friendly. I was terrified I wouldn't get it in time, that it would be given to someone else who was just a tad quicker at filling out an application than me, or something equally stupid. I was afraid I'd be stuck in this horrible a/c-less coffin of an apartment or settling for something equally as crappy. But I found something nearly perfect. I feel as though I'm coming back to when I first moved to the Uptown area a couple years ago, and that feeling of moving on up and affording it is beautiful. But once I'm all moved in, life will go back down to normal and boring or worse; to something bad.
At the moment, not having a car is probably the shittiest thing to ever go through when you have a time demanding job, are in the process of moving, and can't just "walk" to the grocery store. It also doesn't help that I can't just walk to the beach anymore, which is the NUMBER 1 reason I hate living in Northeast. Yes, the neighborhood is quiet, there's neighborhood bars around every corner, but for the love of Christ, give me a beach, land of 10,000 lakes! Why did I move to the one pocket of the cities that has no lakes?! All that's going to change come Labor Day weekend though, and for good reason.
School starts up again soon too, which I'm not sure if I should be looking forward to or just dreading. I'm part-time now with the job, so that'll be a bit different. I'm hoping it'll feel good since I'm taking a drawing course again. I miss that. I just keep feeling anxious about money and income stuff, which, with the state of the economy and all the government mess, I'm terrified I'm going to get screwed. The boy is rampant about discussing politics with literally every person we see, and I just don't jump in. I know what he's going to say, I know how the conversation will go, and it's all just a song on repeat for me. He knows where I stand (the complete OPPOSITE end from him), and nothing is going to change that. It's all very tiring though to have to listen to the same thing over and over again. Part of me is actually kind of excited to start up school again in order to have academic conversations again and discuss things like art and history and music. I need a heavy dose of culture in my life right now. In fact I've been craving reading books I have on my reading list (long forgotten almost), craving learning, and craving being an adult in some aspects.
My closest friends are starting to jump on the bandwagon of healthy eating, which has always been an important issue to me since moving out of my parent's. My parents are not unhealthy eaters, but my dad was a Depression baby in the sense that his parents lived through that and instilled money saving values onto their kids. This means buying cheap, processed foods in bulk. After exposure to my organic and gourmet-esque friends and family, my horizons have broadened tremendously, and now I'm eating things my parents normally would never eat. But regardless of that, I've had this growing ambition to go completely organic and grassfed, as well as buy as much local as possible, even start my own little herb pots in the new place. The boy hasn't really been exposed to this kind of lifestyle before, but he loves what I make and can't seem to get enough of it. And that's all that really matters. I figure if it tastes good and makes you feel good, it's got to be good for you.
For the most part though, I tend to think my life is boring and uneventful. I'm not out on the town every week, not surrounded by friends, and definitely not taking lavish trips anywhere. I'm not getting married or having a baby either, so compared to most other people my age, I'm not really doing much of anything. But I'm living, I have a wonderful puppy to give cuddles to, and a guy I can goof off with. I'm in a very plain aspect of my life, but I'm content with it, because anything else would be too stressful for me. I look at other people's lives and I just think "man, I couldn't have a kid right now, my life would feel like a prison because then I have a major responsibility taking over everything I want to do for me. Plus it makes me a lot older than I'd like to be right now." I also think, wow, too many problems and drama for anyone to want to give a damn about. Mostly, I see other people just getting a lot older than me, and I don't want to catch up. If I caught up, I'd be one step closer to death, and I just want to enjoy where I am for the time being. I like not having a predictable lifestyle, not having anything to really be tied down to. No one has huge expectations of me, and I love that feeling.
